stranger danger

Listen buddy, we all went through that "culture jamming" phase where we got our minds blown by the concept of guerrilla advertising, and thought that we could curb commercialism by inverting societal norms. Bad news for you- inverting societal norms, is normal now, so the only way to be different is to be normal. Get into it.
But we both know there's a bigger issue we need to discuss here, right? I mean the real elephant in the room. And that is your complete and total inability to draw hands!!! Look at those fucking things! They look like each and every person reaching for this box is the mangled survivor of either a farm combine accident or a meat grinder! Apparently in addition to your recent epiphany about society, you also gained access to a sharpie AND you learned to draw wavy knuckle wrinkle lines? Enough already! Its overkill! Its okay to not detail out every single knuckle line, because if you do, as you've demonstrated, you end up with over developed fingers, and bloated white meat-chunks for palms, the result of which you have horrifyingly covered your stupid newspaper box with, which, by the way, we all know you stole. And seriously? What the HELL is happening with that arm hair stubble?
I think its best for everyone if you just put your marker down and go back to reading Radar or whatever zine your fake friend from the commune is working on.

Also, I happen to know that one of the local homeless dudes keeps his sleeping bag and stuff in the Weekly Dig box right next to this, so your box is pretty much guaranteed to be filled with piss, vomit, trash, or bedbugs in 5...4...3...2...

climate: overcast, looks like its cold, but actually isn't.
location: outside the 1369 coffee shop on mass ave
somewhat relevant local news article:
dude. your mom?? seriously?
mode of transportation: rain boots

the eyes have it

I wish I had seen this awesome Halloween decoration at night, because I bet those eyes glow, which would be some freaky Through the Looking Glass shit.
Yeah, yeah, I know Halloween was a few weeks ago, but this decoration was worth the belated post. And I heard people were getting too friendly with the Sausage Pig, so it was time to re-up.

climate: warm! surprisingly warm!
location: Jay Street
somewhat relevant local news article:
They're watching you.
mode of transportation: sneaks

Sausage Pig

(scene takes place at a grocery store in Maryland)

me: Oh my god, what the HELL is that? Is that a PIG sculpted from SAUSAGE MEAT???

my dad: What, you've never seen that before?

me: Uh, no. That is disgusting.

my dad: Oh, they do that all in all the grocery stores at home (michigan)

me: Dad, its a PIG hand sculpted from SAUSAGE MEAT.

dad: Its normal!

me: ...

dad: Okay, its gross. I have to get the hell out of the midwest.

climate: raining
location: Martin's Grocery in Maryland
somewhat relevant local news article:
I think there was a Law & Order episode about this
mode of transportation: rain boots

Clean As A Whistle

All I know is that I wouldn't f with a pirate that owns a laundromat, even if his name is "Captain Bubbles."

climate: overcast, mid 50's
location: Mass Ave
somewhat relevant local news article:
this kid needs to clean up his act.
(actually the first comment is even funnier than the article)
mode of transportation: striped sneaks

aquaman

This picture isn't the greatest, but this is the cover of a manhole on Putnam Ave. Its a little scuba dude! So why is Scuba Dude on a manhole cover? I don't know, but if there ever was a time that I saw my life rapidly turning into an animated Disney movie, this was it. If I pried off that cover, BAM! I'd be a cartoon, and I'd fall into an underworld lagoon with clown fish and friendly lobsters. So I guess the real question here is:
Scuba Dude, are you my cartoon buddy or... my ARCH-NEMESIS???

climate: sunny days...
location: Putnam Ave
somewhat relevant local news article:
city council meeting notes. their mickey mouse meetings make them just like cartoons too! here's a lil' completely irrelevant item from the meeting:

City councilors want to end the violence in the Democratic Republic of Congo and are sending the United States government their message with a resolution approved Monday night.

Yeah. Because that's a good use of time. (look, I'm not against ending violence. I'm just thinking that making it an agenda item in the weekly Cambridge City Council meeting probably isn't going to accomplish much.)
mode of transportation: silver flats

this sign makes me want to punch someone in the face

Yeah there's no traffic.
BECAUSE NO ONE CAN FIGURE OUT WHAT THE HELL A KWIK EXIT IS!
Look at this, making me use all caps. Are you happy now?? You should be ashamed of yourself.

climate: whatever. I'm too angry to talk about the weather.
location: Chatham
somewhat relevant local news article: this guy probably likes kwik exits
mode of transportation: subaru

frog blog

Hey check me out, I'm a contractor frog! I'm wearing overalls! And I have a pocket to hold my frog pen and frog pencil. And apparently my overalls stop at my tiny frog knees!

Nice try, contractor frog with an overly smug expression, but I see you for the contractor frog impersonator you really are. We all know if you were a real contractor frog, you'd be wearing a hard hat.

climate: warm and wet, just the way a frog likes it.
location: Pearl St.
somewhat relevant local news article:
MIT launches concrete lab
mode of transportation: sneaks, jumping

well, isn't that special?

What? No specials? That's SO CRAZY!!! Like, three exclamation points crazy!!! Your advertising is just so edgy and in-your-face that I'm going to run right in and buy all the things on that chalkboard!
Oh wait, no I'm not because I just remembered that if I'm interested in purchasing a "cold brewed iced coffee" its probably not because of your witty chalkboard advertisement, its because I want an iced coffee. You're a coffee shop. You have coffee, internet, and light lunch fair. Tell me something I didn't know or get your stupid chalkboard out of my way.

climate: hot in the sun, not hot in the shade
location: atomic bean on mass ave
somewhat relevant local news article:
bikers are making their own parking tickets for cars parked in bike lanes
the tickets they made are awesome, scroll down to see the pics of them
mode of transportation: sneaks

TKO

I'm just putting this out there for your consideration, but if the Somerville Boxing Club's "home" is the Central Square YMCA, shouldn't they change their name to... oh, I don't know, lets see....umm, what about...no... oh! THE CAMBRIDGE BOXING CLUB????
Well, maybe they already had their t-shirts made. And on second thought, I probably shouldn't harass people who punch each other for recreational purposes.

climate: hurricane. or so they say.
location: Central Square YMCA
somewhat relevant local news article:
Coke Dealer Arrester in Central Square. (he did not fight back)
mode of transportation: being chased by boxers

commie trash

Guess which trash can belongs to the Commie?
Actually I had a few lines for this photo:
Why do I have to be Mr. Pink?
One of these things is not like the others

But none of them seem very witty to me. I'm having an off day. Someone give me a better caption.

climate: sunny. hot.
location: Putnam Ave
somewhat relevant local news story:
Police hunt for Cambridge Foot Licker. what??
mode of transportation: flip flops

lovin' spoonful

So there I was, chillaxin' in the Brueggers Bagels that's connected to the Shaws, enjoying my rosemary and olive oil squagel (squagels! not your old man's bagels!), when this lady sits down at the next table. I eyed her nondescript Shaws double-bag and didn't think much of it. Maybe she's just another squagel fan, right?
WRONG! SO WRONG!!
The broad had swiped a plastic spoon from the milk-and-sugar station and after extremely carefully opening her recently purchased peanut M&Ms, was eating them methodically, one and a time, WITH A SPOON!!! WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?? THIS IS CRAZY!! THERE WAS A SEINFELD EPISODE ABOUT THIS! WHY AM I SHOUTING? THIS SQUAGEL RULES!

climate: yeah.
location: view map
somewhat relevant local news story:
some lady drove off a parking garage
mode of transportation: toyota

bo knows... grammar?

I'm no grammar police (except when I am, like right now) but wouldn't this read better like this?

Great Design
At An Even
Better Price

As written, I'm not sure it makes any sense. Are they saying that usually when design is at a 'better price' its not 'great design'? But we all know that's not true because good design is expensive.
I don't know what you're trying to get at, Bo, but I do know its not working. Plus those rooster coffee mugs in the window are ugly.

climate: its freakin' hot.
location: view map
somewhat relevant local news article:
meet the new school superintendent
mode of transportation: flip flops.

go green!

Just thinking out loud here, but I don't think this is what they had in mind when they talk about "green emissions".

climate: sunny, mid 90's
location: view map
somewhat relevant local news story:
city owned cars cost cambridge $52k a year (that's it?)
mode of transportation: flip flops

I KNEW IT!

Oh man, did I ever call it about the tiny horse hostile take over!
Recently Jon Stewart interviewed Spinal Tap, and guess what Nigel Tufnel has been up to? Raising tiny horses!!

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart	Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c
Spinal Tap
www.thedailyshow.com
Daily Show Full Episodes Political Humor Joke of the Day

learn something

Saw this box of slide carousals on Mass Ave. If it wasn't all soaking wet, I might have been tempted to poke around and see what they were slides of, but I don't like getting dirty during before noon, so I didn't. The box is clearly marked "Free!! Learn Something!" Learn something? What could be on those slides? Mid 1950's sex ed information? Awkward family vacation pictures where Uncle Ron admits he's killed a man in Tennesee? The truth about the first man on the moon?

climate: sunny, mid 80's, post downpour humidity
location: view map
somewhat relevant local news story:
Cambridge is looking for a new member for the Human Rights Committee.
mode of transportation: sneakers

public library

I've always liked the way this utility box on Mass Ave is painted. The books might not be real, but the hours are way more convenient than the local branch of the public library. Also, right after I took this picture I was accosted by those two vultures in red. They wanted me to "save the children." Save the children? Please. Those children better learn to save themselves, and fast, if these annoying leeches are the champion of their cause.

climate: sunny, mid 80's
location: view map
somewhat relevant local news story:
City Council meeting minutes. I particularly enjoyed the last item of business. I hope you all know that after we vote for these people, we pay them, right? And they just got raises. They make like $70k and its considered a part time job. And this is what they discuss at meetings.
mode of transportation: flip flops.

patchy

"Oh man, I busted up some of the curb by accident when I was cutting the street up to do repairs."

"Uh-oh, not good! You're going to have to pull out that entire piece of granite curb and replace it. And that's a rounded curb, too, so its not going to be cheap or easy!"

"Yeah, I know. But there must be an alternative to fixing my mistake correctly. What should I do?"

"How about you just shove a brick in there, slap some asphalt around it, and lets go get a beer?"

"Done and done."

climate: sunny, high 80's
location: view map
somewhat relevant local news story: concrete RR ties falling apart
mode of transportation: flip flops

a horse is a horse, of course, of course

Watch out, Cambridge. Looks like things are getting medieval around here. You might think this is just a toy that some kid accidentally left on the side of a planter, but I wouldn't be so sure. I wouldn't be surprised if this is a sign of a mini revolution. A hostile invasion of plastic goth horses in mid Cambridge might be about to take place. And I can't say that we don't deserve it.

climate: sunny, mid 80's
location: view map
somewhat relevant local news story: nothing good out there, so here. study up on your future ruler.
mode of transportation: flip flops

Gang-gly

Cream Squad?? Cream Squad? Look, I can respect that schools out, the weather's finally decent, and all the summer jobs have been taken by out of work 30-somethings, so there's not much left for the local youths to do but form a gang. I get that. But kids, you have got to come up with a better name. Unless your gang activities involve pay per view and using mom's tissues at an alarming rate- in which case carry on and well played- I suggest you attempt to preserve your dignity. Try something with a letter/ number combo. That usually sounds more threatening.

weather: sunny, mid 80's
location: view map
somewhat relevant local news story: reports of gang graffiti on the rise
mode of transportation: flip flops

true story

Here's how to play:

1. I observe something while I'm out and about that I determine is crazy or otherwise interesting.
2. I take a picture, in doing so possibly embarrassing/enraging the crazy/interesting subject.
3. I tell you all about it here in a witty and sarcastic manner, including a map location so you can witness for yourself if you don't believe me.
4. You keep coming back for more, tell your friends, leave me lots of comments, and become my biggest fan.

If you'd like a head start on the game, you should check out my first blog Field Report. If you witnessed something you feel I should let the world know about, send me your pic and your post. I'd love to have some guest posters.

go!